An Open Letter to the Landlord.

Dear Landlord,

I will be moving out of your house soon. Actually, you don’t know me. I was staying in the living-room and was not on the lease. Every time you came inside to check I was either in the restroom or out of the house and my room mates were very co-operative. My job profile is such that I work on projects for a couple of months, and being an immigrant, you know how it is in this country. You can’t rely upon your job to last forever and have to plan for the worst.
Frankly I think the rent you charge for your place is too high for the comforts it provides. The microwave is from the middle ages (with manual knobs and what not) and the bathrooms are olfactory nightmares. Please do something about this soon. I find it surprising that none of the neighbors ever say hi, is this true only for this apartment or for all others in this city?
Anyway, the real reason for this e-mail is the new living room I am moving into needs some reference from the previous stay. Could you be kind enough to help me out?

Thanks,
Your pseudo-tenant.